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Memories of Mom…

Today marks the three-year anniversary since losing my mom. I’ve been trying to make sense of my thoughts about it over the past few days, and I find myself being confused about them. I think a it has a lot to do with the turbulent relationship I’d had with her over the course of my life. But in keeping in sync with funny thoughts and memories like I mostly have in regards to Pop, I find that there is still plenty to laugh about in regards to Mom. I’m focusing on that. Stay tuned.

One Comment

  1. Ellen B. Kidwell says:

    Tony, I can maybe kinda understand what you are saying about your Mom. My MaMa has been gone for 20 years now & I still miss Her Everyday. Missing & Loving Her is also Tempered by the fact that she was a “Functional Alcoholic”, drank about 10-20 cups of Black Coffee everyday & as soon as the Coffee stopped the “Manhattans” began. She also Smoked cigarettes from the time she was 16 & they eventually ended up giving Her Lung Cancer that killed her at the much too young age of 59. She was definately what you would call an “Addictive Personality”. I do want you to know that She was also a Great Person that was a True Christian & Good to Lots of People, even in Her Obvious Pain. I believe a lot of her problems came from her Childhood & the way she was raised. Throughout my life I have been pretty conflicted about my relationship with her. I Always new I Loved Her So Much, but at times I was embarassed, upset, Guilty and thought I was messed up for not being able to Help Her & loving her like I did. I was so conflicted because I Loved Her So Much even though she couldn’t or wouldn’t straighten out for us, no matter how much we begged or what we did or didn’t do. Back in those days there was So Much more “Shame” associated with Addictions, esp. for Women, I think. Now as an Adult I can wrap my head around the “Whole Situation” better, but it sure was difficult on me as a kid. Sometimes I still feel a bit of guilt, not anything like I used to though. I can’t ever entirely get rid of that nagging feeling like I could have/should have done more or tried something else to help her. It’s a Deep Love but it is also Very Conflicting at times…El